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This is the Beer Yard news page, with brewing news from the Philadelphia area and beyond.
- August 19, 2004 - News To Make Us Giggle: The Dog....er...Bear Days of Summer
- Once upon a time long, long ago, before we moved in 24-hour news cycles and constant internet updates, journalists used to refer to August as the "Dog Days," meaning that it was a slow new period when reporters were desperately searching for "Man Bites Dog" stories instead of bland "Dog Bites Man" ones.
In 2004, it seems we've moved on to...well, this is from CNN.com:
Bear guzzles 36 beers, passes out at campground
SEATTLE, Washington (Reuters) -- A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday.
"We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around," said Lisa Broxson, a worker at the Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles (129 kilometers) northeast of Seattle.
The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers' coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds.
It turns out the bear was a bit of a beer sophisticate. He tried a mass-market Busch beer, but switched to Rainier Beer, a local ale, and stuck with it for his drinking binge... You can read how they finally trapped this brew-happy beast here.
And then there's this story, which bears the title "River of Beer Discovered in Germany." Okay, it's from the Weekly World News, but, hey, it's August.
Finally, here's a golden moment from the Cheers TV show which is making the rounds of the internet (onliners get bored too) these days. In this scene, Cliff the all-knowing mailman is seated at the bar describing the 'Buffalo Theory' to his buddy Norm:
"Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers." It might not work immediately on your wife or a cop, but just ask them to refute it logically.
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